Real Naruto
by Chasing Aislinn
Summary: yaoi...kinda like a talk show...sorta lemony


hi yall! this is my first! sorry if it's crappy! Hope you understand!

disclaimer: duh! I no own...

rating: welllllllll...pg-13

extra: yaoi...all of it...beware if you no likey!

* * *

Sasuke: Hi, this is Uchiha Sasuke. So I wanted to talk to you about our show, Naruto. 

Naruto: Hey! Sasuke teme! We decided since the show was named after me that we would open with me!

Sasuke: Whatever Naruto…anyway, we, the 'actors' of Shonen Jumps' popular manga/anime wanted to talk to you about it.

Shikamaru: This is actually going to NOT be drag, despite popular beliefs, I'm not always lazy…I perk up at times when I need too.

Shino: So were going to tell you how the show came about and the hidden TRUTH to the show.

Gaara: Get on with it…

Kankuro: Alright, so here we go!

Naruto: May I have a drum roll please!?

Kakashi: gently kicks out a drum on it's side…it rolls across the floor getting everyone's attention…they watch it roll past

Iruka: Thank you Kakashi…

Kakashi: looks up from Icha Icha Paradise You're welcome smiles

Iruka: opens mouth

Sasuke: Hold it! Wait till we tell them.

Iruka: shuts mouth Alright.

Naruto: We, the people of the anime/manga Naruto, are all gay. Not the happy gay, the boy x boy gay. The yaoi that so many of our fans love! We're happy to be gay. I mean, we've always been. When Kishimoto came to us with the idea to write out our story and enter it into Shonen Jump, we were excited, we thought 'Maybe we can be more open to others and be a guiding light for those who are gay, lesbian, and bisexual.' WRONG! He told us that the world just isn't ready to accept people who are 'different'. But he still wanted to write our story.

Sasuke: So we agreed, and, much to our pleasure, found that people still made yaoi couples. Well, I think the only thing that you have wrong, ladies and gentlemen, is that there are no clear couples among us. For the most part it's just one big fuckin' orgy.

Choji: I know many people haven't seen me as someone to be gay or have a boyfriend, but I seriously am. And I am an active member in all the orgies. And I mean, I can be lean, and I look pretty nice, too-

Shikamaru: You got that right, and when he's lean-

Kankuro: Oh Kami-sama, when he's lean…shit, it's awesome sex…

Naruto: glances over at Iruka…then looks back immediately Oh my…Iruka…are you-

Kakashi: Orgy anyone?

We will take a brief break right now to give the- AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!-b-boys some time to- O-OH K-KAMI-SAMA! H-HARDER! F-FASTER! RIGHT THERE! HIT ME AGAIN! -excuse me…I have to watch this! (a/n: I'm not going to write it out 'cause I'm too lazy to do it…but if you just use your imagination, I'm sure that you'll still be satisfied!:3)

Sasuke: well placed smirk on face and futuristic cigg that is actually good for the body (a/n: I hate real ciggs. They're really disgusting. I got sick when I spent three days at my Grandmother's house…shudders I was sick for about two weeks…) That was fun…

Naruto: You really know how to fuck, Sasuke…

Gaara: Oh Kiba…how's your ass?

Kiba: Hurting…but I'm still on a euphoria. What a sweet high.

Kankuro: Hey, Choji.

Choji: Hai?

Kankuro: How are you doing?

Choji: Can I have some ice cream?

Kankuro: Why? What flavor?

Choji: It doesn't matter…it's for my ass.

Kankuro: You've been watching _Evolution_ again haven't you.

Choji: You know how much I like Orlando Jones…he's hilarious!

Kankuro: I bet he couldn't fuck you like I can.

Choji: You're the one and-

Kankuro: You can't say only…I think all of us semes have screwed you.

Choji: True…but each of you screw differently…I happen to like yours best.

Sasuke: Oh? I'm not good enough?

Kankuro: Do I smell a challenge, Uchiha?

Sasuke: in Kankuro's face You better believe it cat boy!

Kankuro: Alright! Right here, right now!

Itachi: Sorry to interrupt this, but I have to steal away my adorable little brother and do with him what I wish.

Naruto: Oh! Sasuke's going to be uke! Uchihacest!

Kisame: That is one of the sexiest things out there…with the Uchiha stamina they can go for a long time!

Itachi: Yes…smirks and picks Sasuke up around his waist and throws him over his shoulder, a hand on his butt C'mon. I need someone that can handle my stamina.

Sasuke: pouts adorably

Itachi: Never mind…I'm not going to get far if he's going to make faces like that. puts Sasuke on the ground

Another brief interlude before we- I-ITACHI! OH KAMI-SAMA! I-I-ITACHI! -Wow…I HAVE to watch this! - Sasuke!- Alright…that's the end…back to the chats.

All guys are currently naked and lounging around, some on top of one another.

Sasuke: I love being uke with Itachi…he _knows_ how to screw _perfectly_. Sasuke is now draped over Itachi's naked body

Itachi: deep sigh If only I had someone that could screw me…

Kishimoto: Well…you killed your family off…if you didn't then maybe you would have someone that could screw you.

Itachi: You better hope I don't kill you.

Kishimoto: You can't kill me. That would be bad and nobody else can draw you the right way and they don't know your story either…and I know that you don't trust many people.

Itachi: Damn you…nobody has been able to best me…ever, this isn't fair.

Kishimoto: Well, I was only here to tell you that…I'll be leaving now.

Kakashi: wraps his arms around Kishimoto Aww, do you really have to leave…you can be the center of attention at the next orgy.

Kishimoto: If you don't let go of me I'm going to miss my dead-line for the next book in the series! Also, I'm working on writing Icha Icha Paradise for Jiraiya.

Jiraiya: YAY!

Naruto: Ero-sannin! Are you going to join in on the next orgy?

Orochimaru: I will if he does!

Sasuke: Itachi! I found someone that can do you!

Itachi: Orochimaru?

Orochimaru: stands behind Itachi and wraps arms around, licking Itachi's ear shell I'm sure you would love it…I've got a very talented tongue.

Sasuke: Very talented.

Kabuto: Please…I've been his love slave for far too long!

Itachi: Well, then, what are you waiting for…bring it on snake man.

Itachi turns around and begins French kissing Orochimaru. Their tongues battle for dominance for a little bit, but Orochimaru wins…of course.

I'm so sorry to interrupt all the time! I know all of you would love to watch this…but… watches Orochimaru begin to fuck Itachi …oh…Kami-sama! I'm sor- ORO…ORO-DONO! - ry? Wow…Orochimaru wasn't lying when he said that he had a talented tongue… squeals so much yaoiness! I'm going to die of bloodloss!

Itachi: worn out That was…wonderful…but I think I'd like to top more often…I like the power and dominance…but I'll let you know when I want to bottom.

Orochimaru: Alright…I just can't see how a transvestite such as yourself could possibly like the top so much…you seem to be more of an uke if you dress like that.

Itachi: pouts

Again, I am sorry to interrupt. This time is because both Orochimaru and Kakashi couldn't help but have to fuck Itachi at the sight of his- ORO! KAKA! O-OH MY- OROKASHI! - …that… was amazing!

Itachi: I-I can't feel my ass…you both pounded it so hard…I-I'm losing feeling in my legs!

Naruto: HEY! That's not fair! Itachi has gotten most of the action! What about the rest of us!

Itachi: You're just jealous that I'm the sexiest.

Actually…Kakashi-dono is the sexiest!

Itachi: BWHAT!!! How could you! Traitor!

I didn't say that you weren't sexy…I just think that Kakashi is the sexiest…I love the silver hair! The well toned body! The cool collectiveness! The strength! The…the…the EVERYTHING! KAKASHI I LOVE YOU!

Kakashi: Well, thank you…but I'm uh…gay. I love men…and there bodies…and goddammit! I'm horny again!

Well, what do you expect? You're in a room full of naked guys!

Gai: Kakashi! Time to see who's better in sex! Me- the wonderful Gai Might! Or you, Hatake Kakashi…

Kakashi: Did you bring anyone with you?

Gai: WHAT!?

Kakashi: Oh, hello Asuma, Dosu, Zaku. Welcome in! We're about to have an orgy. Join us!

Asuma: I still remember the last time I let you fuck me…I couldn't feel my ass for days…

Kakashi: That's because I was very very very horny and in desperate need to fuck somebody, and you were a virgin…

Asuma: But it felt so good…it was worth it.

Dosu: Alright!

Zaku: I call uke!

Again I must interrupt because this is going to be the biggest orgy recorded…at least, the biggest all male orgy ever recorded…I think… -AHHH-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! O-OH MY! D-DON'T STOP! FURTHER! STOP TEASING! FUCK ME AREADY DAMNIT! HARDER! - well, there you have it…they're having fun! I'm so happy! So far, I've got many hours of recording all their orgies. Also of them just lounging around naked…you see, when they wear clothes, they just tend to -HAH-AHHHHHHHHHH!! - just complain about the clothes getting in the way. So most of the time they're naked! I had to get the house built in a special way so that -moan KAMI-SAMA! - they could all fit in the shower together if they wanted, in the kitchen, in any of the rooms, so it's one huge house!

All the guys are now exhausted and there's enough cum to…well…about five gallons give or take a little!

Aren't they so delightful when they're sleeping…yes, the mighty shinobi are asleep…they all need their rest…lucky for them, they can't get STDs…NOT FAIR!!! But you know what? That makes it all more sexy 'cause now they don't have to worry about getting any infections! Just wait till they're in a better mood…yes, when they're in a better mood they're very kinky…and some of them are sadistic, masochistic, and sado-masochistic! All the biting, nipping, nails digging into the skin, raking across the chest…ahhhhhh it's so sweet, because Kyuubi and Shikaku heal everybody's wounds and then the scars, so that nobody has any lasting effects! Oh and the perfect bodies just matching up! It's so sweet!

Naruto: That's all we have…yawn time for…there maybe other…..times where I'll convince her…..Saku I mean…..to write out the sex scenes…I'm sure she'd be happy to!

Now, now, Naru-chan, go to sleep! I'll try to write out the sex scenes, but all of you are going to have to model for me! I WANT PIX!

Naruto: was auch immer!

NO! Not 'whatever'! Don't- wait…that basically means 'YES'! Arigato Naru-chan!

Naruto: sleep…

Terms and the Such

Kami-Sama: kinda like saying 'god'; it's like the equivalent

-dono: highest Japanese honorific

-sama: Japanese honorific, like, one step below –dono

Orokashi: mix of Orochimaru and Kakashi

Ero-sannin: Jiraiya

Ero: it basically means pervert

Sannin: 3 of them, higher ranking than Jounin; the three are Jiraiya, Orochimaru, and Tsunade

Kinky: like, tying up the partner and doing things to them…it's awesome!

Sadism: getting sexual pleasure from being hurt by the partner while having sex

Masochist: a person who gets sexual pleasure from hurting the partner while having sex

Sado-Masochist: a person who gets sexual pleasure from hurting the partner and being hurt by the partner

Icha Icha Paradise: Make-Out Paradise

Cigg: short for cigarette

Hai: yes

Euphoria: high spirits

Seme: top

Uke: bottom

Uchihacest: incest of the Uchiha brothers (Itachi x Sasuke)

Incest: siblings having sex and going out with each other

Siblings: people who are related (brothers and sisters)

Was auch immer: whatever (German)

Arigato: thank you

Kishimoto: drawer/writer of Naruto

Transvestite: getting sexual pleasure from dressing in the opposite gender's clothing

Yaoi: guy x guy; Gay stuff

Orgy: group sex…everyone with everyone

Kyuubi: Naruto's demon; Nine-tailed fox

Shikaku: Gaara's demon; Sand spirit

STDs: Sexually Transmitted Diseases

: me, author, talking

: actions/descriptions

:my, authors, actions

:actions of characters

WELLLL? What do you think? This is my first posting, and it's meant to be pretty weird. Lay on the insults if you must…but I will try to write the sex scenes at some point…even if they take forever and are really long because they're orgies! Anywho! Later!


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